Monday, March 7, 2011

An Explanation

At times I find myself thinking, "I really want to write a book". While this may sound like a great idea to most people, they do not understand The Cycle or (my possibly more accurate and affectionate name) The Pyschle* (the cycle dealing with my physce). Others say "Golly-gee! You really would be a great writer; I can't wait to read your work," but they do not see the inner workings of my befuddled & frazzled mind.
What is the Pyschle, you may ask?

The Pyschle can take many forms, but in all cases has 7 distinct Steps*:

Step 1: A Brief Flash of Reality
In this step I become aware of a reality (usually a deadline of some sort) that begins to haunt my dreams & induces a holy terror the likes of which (I believe) only those who have come face-to-face with a serial killer are ever to experience. This leads us to...

Step 2: Panic (Like the Greek god of the wild, but much more distressing than a goat)
This is when all hell breaks loose. There is much weeping & nashing of teeth, & I really start to look for a way out of the situation (my favorite option is to run away & never look back). This panic leaves me intensely scatter brained & I tend to cling to anything that does not involve the dreaded task looming in the distance**.

Step 3: Latching On
I tend to become obsessed with things rather quickly (not like in a scary stalker sort of way... but still slightly strange). I believe this tendency is my way of exploring new possiblities. I try to become the expert at something, become ingrossed in twitter, buy a rather expensive camcorder & make a YouTube channel in the hopes that I can become a celebrity. This is how this blog came to be... this is how much The Pyschle effects my life.

Step 4: Random Bouts of Creativity
In my desperation to flee from fate, I become intensely motivated to do anything, but the work I should be doing to ease my path through Satan's dominion. My mind goes haywire & starts thinking in every direction conceivable, this means I have a lot of creative ideas all at once***. This is frustrating, as in the back of what is left of my rational mind I know that I should be doing something productive (thus, "I want to write a book" instead of  "I should study for my midterms").

Step 5: My Eventual Travel Away From That One River in Egypt
I slowly realize that I must face facts & get on with what I have to do in order to survive my almost impending doom (this usually happens within a day or two of the cursed event).

Step 6: Taking on the Challenge
I face whatever terrifying thing I've been whimpering in the corner about for (probably) 1-2 weeks with relative calm.

Step 7: Fast Fleeting Peace
I become at peace with the world & end up doing absolutely none of the things I wanted to do while I was stressed. Mostly I vegg-out & watch musicals (which reminds me: I really want to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)...

As you can see at this point, I am on Stage 4 in my psychotic journey. I've been flip flopping between Stage 4 & 5 all day... & now I need to go study for my english test. I am not going to go make an outline for a book that I will (likely) never write.

*Or rings of hell... whichever you prefer.
**Which in my mind's eye, typically, takes the form of the grim reaper.
***Sadly, my imagination concerning my own projects lies dormant when I'm not in extreme anxiety.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Won't Somebody Let Me Out?!

Lately, I feel as if I have been captured against my will. This is what focusing solely on my studies has done to me... I'm suffocating. I'm not funny anymore. I have become even more boring than I thought myself previously. I have tons of creative thoughts that I feel guilty for thinking, because I should be studying! THIS IS DRIVING ME MAD!! I have had ideas for vlogs & blogs swimming around in my head, but I can't do anything with them, because the Study Sloth* on my back will not leave me alone!

So, now I'm whining, procrastinating, & I have a giant pit in my stomach that seems to want me dead with worry. I could simply go back to my habit of not caring, freaking out, & watching my grades sink back to Bs instead of all the pretty A+s I've been enjoying** , but I like where my grades are right now. I could give up on school & live like a bum on the street (not a happy alternative). OR I could just live with the fact that this is my life now. I detest these options! If only I could have a real break from school instead of working during all of my holidays. Why couldn't I be born a genius or independently wealthy? Life would be so much easier.

The Sloth is angry... I have to study for the 4 tests I have next week or I'm going to flunk out of college & be forced to realize a career as that slightly scary person who sits in the subway station*** with a sign & a cup for change donation. At least my sign would be grammatically correct****...

I hope your week isn't going to be as beastly as mine.

*It's a sloth because sloths are ugly & slow much like a student (me) trying to study effectively.
**This is a sarcastic statement. Enjoy being tortured by the idea that I still have more work to do after I get that one awesome grade. Hardly.
***This plan would require me to move to a place with subways, as I live in the middle of Texas (where everyone (& I mean everyone!) drives). We have no equivalent to this "profession" that I know of.
****She said directly after an atrocious run-on sentence.