At times I find myself thinking, "I really want to write a book". While this may sound like a great idea to most people, they do not understand The Cycle or (my possibly more accurate and affectionate name) The Pyschle* (the cycle dealing with my physce). Others say "Golly-gee! You really would be a great writer; I can't wait to read your work," but they do not see the inner workings of my befuddled & frazzled mind.
What is the Pyschle, you may ask?
The Pyschle can take many forms, but in all cases has 7 distinct Steps*:
Step 1: A Brief Flash of Reality
In this step I become aware of a reality (usually a deadline of some sort) that begins to haunt my dreams & induces a holy terror the likes of which (I believe) only those who have come face-to-face with a serial killer are ever to experience. This leads us to...
Step 2: Panic (Like the Greek god of the wild, but much more distressing than a goat)
This is when all hell breaks loose. There is much weeping & nashing of teeth, & I really start to look for a way out of the situation (my favorite option is to run away & never look back). This panic leaves me intensely scatter brained & I tend to cling to anything that does not involve the dreaded task looming in the distance**.
Step 3: Latching On
I tend to become obsessed with things rather quickly (not like in a scary stalker sort of way... but still slightly strange). I believe this tendency is my way of exploring new possiblities. I try to become the expert at something, become ingrossed in twitter, buy a rather expensive camcorder & make a YouTube channel in the hopes that I can become a celebrity. This is how this blog came to be... this is how much The Pyschle effects my life.
Step 4: Random Bouts of Creativity
In my desperation to flee from fate, I become intensely motivated to do anything, but the work I should be doing to ease my path through Satan's dominion. My mind goes haywire & starts thinking in every direction conceivable, this means I have a lot of creative ideas all at once***. This is frustrating, as in the back of what is left of my rational mind I know that I should be doing something productive (thus, "I want to write a book" instead of "I should study for my midterms").
Step 5: My Eventual Travel Away From That One River in Egypt
I slowly realize that I must face facts & get on with what I have to do in order to survive my almost impending doom (this usually happens within a day or two of the cursed event).
Step 6: Taking on the Challenge
I face whatever terrifying thing I've been whimpering in the corner about for (probably) 1-2 weeks with relative calm.
Step 7: Fast Fleeting Peace
I become at peace with the world & end up doing absolutely none of the things I wanted to do while I was stressed. Mostly I vegg-out & watch musicals (which reminds me: I really want to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)...
As you can see at this point, I am on Stage 4 in my psychotic journey. I've been flip flopping between Stage 4 & 5 all day... & now I need to go study for my english test. I am not going to go make an outline for a book that I will (likely) never write.
*Or rings of hell... whichever you prefer.
**Which in my mind's eye, typically, takes the form of the grim reaper.
***Sadly, my imagination concerning my own projects lies dormant when I'm not in extreme anxiety.